Coven Chronicles

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  Helene 11:22:04 pm on June 8, 2009 | 0 | # |
  Tags: Bethan, Helene, Love, Marcus, Volturi

  So they’re in each other’s arms right now.  I did what any self respecting fool with a broken heart would do.

  I ran.

  Before he could tell me not to, before any empty explanations…  I know him.  I know her.  I know how he pulls her, because he pulls me the same way.  I did what I should have done when I first found out she loved him.  I should have ran then – before our indiscretion hurt her.  Before I could let theirs hurt me…

  I talked to Beth’s friend Andrey before I left Volterra.  He is so in love with her.  We commiserated a bit.  We both talked about what happened, licked our wounds.   He has an incredible secret power; he can freeze things – including people.  I suspect he often does this to himself when he is hurting to shield himself from experiencing the pain for a while.  I watched him do it on the beach.  While watching him, he froze me in that state with him.

  It was amazing.  It was like sleep – the sleep I have been longing for, for so long.  My mind and my heart were numb; for a while unfeeling.  Before completely freezing, I shielded us so we couldn’t be seen by anyone that happened upon such a strange sight: A huge frozen cocoon on a remote Italian beach.   I don’t know how long we stayed that way but the solace was welcome. Upon awakening, we discovered that in our slumber we had inherited each other’s powers.  An interesting development; one I will explore once I get my mind right again…

  Andrey offered me the use of his house in Siberia and I took it.  I told Renata that I was going away for an extended leave of absence.  I will visit Maggie (who is also currently without country) in Paris, and then maybe make my way to New York City where I will live for a while.  Yesterday, I left my home of the last 19 years to an unknown future.
   

• Helene 09:16:28 pm on June 7, 2009 | 0 | # |
  Tags: Bethan, Helene, Love, Marcus

  Dear Marcus and Bethan,

  By the time you read this, I will be gone. I hate to leave my family, and my duty, but I think it best for everyone that I go. I don’t want to cause any more pain and confusion. Though it pains me to leave, I feel my absence is best for both myself and my family. I won’t explain how I found out, but I know about you being together. Please do not try and contact me with explanations; you don’t owe me any. No matter how much I feel for him, I do not own his heart – I understand that. It was not so long ago that I hurt Beth in the same way. I understand that pull all too well.

  Please let me go so that I can right myself; I need to face my feelings on my own – so that I can deal with them; and let them go. I walk through these halls as half a person, a hollow shell of what I once was. I need to leave for a while so I can be whole again.

  I am not sure where I am going, or how long I will be gone.

  I love you both,

  Helene
   

• Helene 10:43:44 pm on May 31, 2009 | 0 | # |
  Tags: Bethan, Helene, Love, Marcus, Relationship

  I had been thinking of that “morning after” argument we all had when Beth came home for days.  I have come to this conclusion…  I will love Marcus as I told him – no matter what.  I have thought of ways to leave.  To leave him be and be gone from him.  Aside from dying, I just can’t do it.  I can’t begin to explain it.  I just have to be here near him… I will not leave my family and my duty.  If I am whispered about because of our “dalliances” then so be it.  I tire thinking and overthinking it, and I care not for what others think.

  I also have come to this conclusion:  Marcus may never be one of those “one woman” men.  Though it pains me to think it, I really can’t change him.  Please don’t judge him – and please don’t judge me for seeming so nonchalant about it.  You can’t look at our relationships and measure them with human standards.  For some lucky mated couples (like Esme and Carlisle), their relationships mirror those of the humans that surround them.  They are very lucky to have found each other and to have been loyal to each other for so long.  But for others of our kind; relationships are not as black and white.  Let’s face it:  even the best of us can screw the most perfect things up – especially when we have an eternity in which to do it.

  Once you have been around for centuries, as Marcus has, your view of the world and its relationships differs.  He had his mate.  He loved her for centuries.  Then he lost her.  That will change a person.  Can he love again?  I think he can.  Will it be me?  I don’t know.  I could torture myself with such thoughts – I have an eternity to do so don’t I?  But I choose not to.  I will just keep existing like I always have; and always will.

  I am in love with him.  I can’t change that.  I may be meant for Marcus, or there may be someone else out there for me.  But please don’t judge him because he can’t decide.  He loved Didyme for centuries and he lost her.  Maybe he is scared to choose.  Maybe he doesn’t want to choose.  I don’t have to like it, but I won’t force him to decide (as if I could).  If he wants my love, it is his.  If not, this is my fate and I will accept it…

  But no more will I think of this relationship in human terms.  I am fine with being his occasional companion – even if I am not his soulmate.
   

• Helene 10:05:30 pm on May 29, 2009 | 0 | # |
  Tags: Bethan, Helene, Love, Marcus, Volturi

  

  The Volturi always has it’s share of secrets.  Much of these secrets, are revealed in hushed corridors, dark anterooms, or behind closed doors.  Some of the secrets aren’t even common knowledge by the people that we call family, much less to the outside world.  I had one such secret.  I had fallen in love with Marcus.  I fell for him almost two decades ago when I first came to Volterra.  For decades I kept that secret close, fearing that one day he would see it clear as day; as he can see everyone else’s relationships.  The weight pressed on me until I decided to tell Bethan.  She held my secret close and told no one.

  I was headed to Ireland to visit Maggie when I decided to take Corin’s advice (unbeknownst to him who I had feelings for): to just tell him.  It shocked him in more ways than one.   It surprised him that I (who had lived so close to him) had felt this way for so long; and that he could not see it.  I didn’t expect him to return my feelings.  I left for Ireland content in the fact that my heart was open and I didn’t have to fear him finding out one day on his own.  So I left to separate myself from him so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable in my presence, and we could go back to life as usual.

  And while I was gone the unexpected happened:  He fell for Bethan and she fell for him.  Even though I held no expectations, I was hurt in a way I had never felt hurt before.  I was happy that he could open his heart after his loss of Didyme, but sad that it wasn’t to me.  And sad that my confidant was now his beloved.  I could have gotten over him.  I could have been fine with their newfound love.

  But it gets worse.

  I started getting this strange vibe from him.  He wanted to talk this out.  I wanted to leave to give him space… to let Beth and Marcus develop their relationship without the guilt of my presence.  But he wouldn’t let me go.  He ordered me to stay… and he kissed me.  I could have survived an eternity had I not a taste of what I only imagined in my dreams.  Bethan saw our indiscretion and so this dance began.  We all took turns hurting each other… A stolen moment for her, a stolen moment for me.  All the while we get more tangled and confused.

  Then I did the unthinkable.  I spent the night with him.  All this torment.  All this longing for him.  All pent up …  I almost made it, I was almost able to resist him.  She would have been home in one more night and surely I would have been cast aside… But we both decided to throw caution to the wind; consequences be damned.  I called to him and he came to me.  The next morning the confusion was only thicker.  And the consequences were staring us in the face.

  I know he feels for both of us.  I know I should leave.  I should walk away and leave them be.  But he won’t let me.  And I can’t resist his pull.   I have never felt this before, but he pulls me to him.  I know when he is near before I even see him.  I can sense what he is feeling before he even walks in the room.  I have to get away from here before he destroys me – but I am bound.  I am bound to my duty; to my family.

  So I do just that. I do my duty and go home.  Not knowing where this will go… All I know is that something has got to give.  If this keeps on like it is, we are going to crush each other…
   

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